Happy Thanksgiving My Little Pilgrims.

Apparently Thanksgiving isn't just about engorging ourselves into a tryptophan coma. I am thankful for a great many things in my life, but you guys get to hear about me every day. I would like to take this opportunity to spotlight my friends Nikki and Joey who have really nailed this whole parenting thing...

(Amazing video by LaserLion Productions. Thank you Mumford and Sons for the song.)

Let's Get Turkey Wasted!

Today I will spend Turkeygeddon Eve standing around in my Mom's kitchen pretending to help prepare the food. I have never cooked for a large group of people for one simple reason...no one has bought me a double oven.

That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. Now if someone wants to test that theory and buy me one I will be happy to reevaluate the situation.

In the meantime, here are a great deal for you guys to check out:

FREE 8x11 CALENDAR

Shutterfly is offering a FREE 8x11 Calendar until Nov. 29th.Just use Promo Code FREECAL at checkout. Just Pay $5.99 in Shipping & Handling.

OR using the same code, FREECAL, get a 12x12 Calendar for only $3.04.

Oh, and if you were wondering, the Gators suck this year. Sure, I'm a Gator...but if you can't laugh it yourself, then who can you laugh at?

Busy Kids on Thanksgiving = More Pies for ME!

I was asked today for some ideas for crafts to keep kids/teenagers busy at Thanksgiving. My initial response was...tell them to get in the kitchen and make me some apple pie, but it turns out kids are not just mini-housekeepers.  Anyways, here's a quick little post with some ideas:

A Turkey Jar whose tail feathers state what you are thankful for...added bonus...CANDY!

Fan folded Fall Leaves...then use them after as napkin rings or in a centerpiece

Scrapbook paper Turkey Place Cards...avoid arguing over who sits next to Grandma

Mod Podge leaf candles or vases...ambiance people, set the mood!!

Thankful Wreath, get the whole family involved!...chalkboard not included

Christmas tags...stow them away for when Santa drops off those unmarked gifts that he then makes you wrap  yourself. Lazy old man.

 With the kiddos busy with their crafts, there is no excuse why my 5 course meal shouldn't be ready by 1pm. Get on it moms!!

Free Christmas Gift Idea?

Looking for that perfect Christmas gift for that special someone? How about a FREE 11x14 personalized poster of your face!! (or my face if you REALLY love them)

Now until November 30th, all new customers at York Photo can order a free 11x14 poster regularly priced at $8.99. 

Use coupon code GIVEPOSTER at checkout to make this item FREE. Just pay $2.99 for shipping. 

It's not as creepy as a giving someone a pillowcase with your picture on it...but for the price, it will do just nicely!

Or if a poster just won't hold enough pictures of you, then MyPublisher is offering a FREE 7.5x5.75 Hard Cover Photo Book!  Just go HERE and enter your e-mail address. They will then send you an email with your FREE photo book coupon code! You will need to pay shipping which is around $7.50.

On to more pressing issues...

Yesterday I took some artistic liberty while mowing my backyard.

I think I may keep it this way forever...just in case I ever need a mini landing strip for flying squirrels.

I Like To Party...and By Party I Mean Take Naps

Well I had quite the eventful weekend of NOTHING. I sat at home Saturday night and made a tree skirt for my Christmas tree....which of course then forced my hand in putting up all my indoor Christmas decorations. Tree and all. Nordstrom would be so disappointed in me.

Don't worry though, I'm going to hold off on decorating the outside of my house until after Thanksgiving in order to hide my crazy from my neighbors. With such a ...busy... weekend I was left with time to think of a few questions for you guys:

1. Real Christmas Tree vs. Fake Christmas Tree?

2. Do you like to wait until Thanksgiving to look at all the black Friday ads or do you research them ahead of time on the internet?

3. If you have a clone made of yourself and have sex with said clone, does it just count as masturbating?

DIY Christmas Glitter Reindeer Decoration

I gave myself a crafting boner with this one...

(translate as: I'm ecstatic with the outcome)

Yes, I know...it's not even Thanksgiving yet and I'm already on my second Christmas craft. I'm a part of the problem not the solution. I've learned to deal with it though.

This craft was SUPER easy. If you are able to draw a reindeer, it will be that much easier for you. I, on the other hand, cannot. So as usual, I turned to Google to search for 'reindeer head silhouette', chose the one I wanted, then saved it to my computer. From there I opened it up in GIMP (the photo editing program I use) and blew it up to 16x20 so that it would fill out my frame. The next part is the tricky part...you have to break the picture up into a grid so that you can print out the different sections on a normal 8.5x11 piece of paper. This will be different with each photo editor so here is a website where you can go to get instructions:

Windows Users

Posterazor for Mac or Windows

Once you have it printed out, just piece it back together (1), shadow in the back of the lines with a pencil (2), then trace it onto your final surface (3). Now that you have your outline just use a paintbrush to fill in the image with Mod Podge and cover it in GLITTER!! You will want to do this in sections so that you get the glitter on before the glue dries. 

You have now created the GREATEST Christmas decoration ever made!! Fair warning, my sidewalk now looks like the Yellow Brick Road from shaking off the rogue glitter outside.

Nothing says Christmas like a 16x20 GLITTER Reindeer!!

Bath & Body Works - $3 Lip Gloss - Today ONLY!

TODAY ONLY, get lip gloss for only $3 at Bath & Body Works – in-stores only!

That's a savings of up to $5 each!

If you prefer to shop online they are offering $1.00 shipping on all orders $25 or more with the code SNOWFLAKE25

A Fatties Take on Crossfit

Since college I have had a hard time finding a workout regimen that kept my interest. Scratch that, I've had a hard time even finding my way into a gym. In fact, I was a member of a gym for 15 months and the only time I stepped foot in that gym was the day I signed up. At least my wallet lost some weight, right?

In June my husband suggested we try Crossfit. To say I was reluctant would be a gross understatement. I think I may have even tried to cry my way out of it on the way to the box the first day.

Now I'm not going to lie to you...I struggle every day. I am not a runner. There's too much time to think while running...'Why am I doing this, it sucks' and my favorite 'I could probably walk faster than I'm running right now...let's try that'. As if that wasn't enough, one day, while running I happened to notice my shadow running beside me and I realized...I look ridiculous when I run. Seriously, like Big Foot trying to escape approaching Squatch Hunters.

(Actual picture of me running)

I also struggle with being the anchor of many workouts. I don't like being in last place, and I often am. Everyone is always stating their lofty goals before the WOD - "I'm going to finish this in 14 minutes", or "I'm going to get at least 10 rounds in"...but let's be honest, my goal is to simply not stop at Taco Bell afterwards.

I hate burpees, I hate pushups, I scared of box jumps...but inexplicably I look forward to going to Crossfit every day. If you haven't tried it, you should. Drink the Kool-Aid people! Now if only I could get a personal chef to cook healthy food for me every day....

How To Use Target Cartwheel...and a horse in pajamas

Dear Santa, I know I mentioned you bringing me a pony yesterday...but what I really meant was a pony in pajamas.

You could even throw in some matching pajamas for me as well. Think of how adorable we will be going down the street like twinsies. Hmmm, wait...not sure I want to be compared to a horse. Scratch the matching pajamas.

Ok, on to more pressing issues...How to use Target Cartwheel: 

Let me start by saying...it's an app for your phone. Download it.

Now that we got the hard part out of the way, the reason Cartwheel is so great is because it encompasses EVERYTHING! They have savings on eggs, fresh produce, meat, underwear, workout clothes, holiday decor, lions, tigers, but not bears. Sorry bears.

Furthermore, Target Cartwheel coupons can be stacked with regular (printed or text) Target store coupons AND manufacturer coupons.  That's a potential TRIPLE COUPON PLAY on one item! 

Once you have the app loaded on your phone, open it and log in using your email or Facebook. I logged in via Facebook but set it up so that my Cartwheel activity can only be seen by me, because let's face it, your friends only want to see updates of your hookups and breakups, not what loaf of bread you decided on for the week. (If you have already downloaded the app and want to change your settings on Facebook for it, you can do so here. You're welcome...and if you're my Facebook friend, thank you.)

How Do I Select An Offer?

Select the Browse option and scroll through offers or search for a specific item by typing in the brand at the top. Until you unlock badges (which you do by just utilizing the app) you may only select up to 10 offers at a time. Once you find an offer you like, just click on the offer for it to "flip" over so you can select it by hitting "Add". This will put that offer in your "My Cartwheel" list.

If you change your mind on an offer,  just go back to said offer and hit "remove".

 How Do I Redeem My Offers?

Click on "My Cartwheel" and it will display a barcode at the top and then your offers below it. When you are at the register in Target simply give them your phone at the end and they will scan the bar code and the discounts will come off!

Note: Target registers need to scan coupons in this order for them to work properly:

Printed Coupons

Text Coupons

Cartwheel Offers

DIY Santa's Key Christmas Decoration

December is less than two weeks away, so I think I did well in holding off on making any Christmas decorations until now. At our wedding we gave key shaped bottle openers as favors for our guests. That bottle opener lasted me almost seven years...I guess it got that dreaded 7-year itch and decided to poop out on me. I just couldn't part with it though, so I needed to find a craft for it.

Pair that sad story with the fact that I live in Florida and have absolutely zero need for a fireplace and you'll get why I absolutely needed a Santa's Key! I have to stay one step of ahead of any excuse not to get me a present...Santa now has a key and that fat bastard better bring me a pony this year!

My Supplies (paint not pictured...use your imagination)

Since I already had the key, this project cost me a grand total of $0.97. A real bank breaker. Start by painting the wooden circle whatever color you desire. Once that dries you can use a permanent marker to write "Santa's Key" on it.  Remember my fun hint on how to have perfect handwriting on vases? Well here's another pearl of wisdom...

Print out your desired font and then shade in the back of that with a pencil. Place it on your craft surface and trace around the edges so that the lead on the back of the paper transfers to the surface. Now you're ready to go over that with your paint or permanent marker.

I continued on to add glitter to the edges of my circle and then used Mod Podge on top so that it wouldn't flake off.

Now it's time for the key. Clearly Santa would not have a regular old key. He would have a glitter key!! That Santa is just so fabulous! Using the Mod Podge affix the glitter to the key and then once that dries use your Mod Podge again to seal it.

That glitter cost me $0.50...I'm not wasting a single sparkle of that!

From there all you have left is attaching them with a pretty ribbon and hanging them from your door knob. I'm not so patiently waiting for my presents Mr. Claus!

Ooooo, sparkles!!!

#YOLO

I went out to my mailbox on Saturday only to find this little gem:

Now I'm sure this pamphlet is attempting to get me to use a maid service, but the first thing I thought of when I read their tag line was #YOLO!!!  Let's live in squalor and spend our time crossing items off the bucket list! Vacuum my floors? Nah, there is bungee jumping to be had. Laundry? Life is too short, just flip your undies inside out and drag race your Honda crossover down your street. What's that dog? You want a walk? Walk yourself, live your dreams!

Advertising...you're doing it...right?

If you Shop Online, Use Ebates...it's Free Money People!

With the Holiday Season fast approaching it is crucial that I tell you about EBATES. This website pays members cash back every time they shop online. It honestly works. I use it every year around Christmas and get a check for over $100 back on items I would have purchased anyways. All you do is go to EBATES and then search for the store you are shopping at and click the link through their site to get there. It's as simple as that!

Great usage ideas:

I buy all my makeup through EBATES because it's basically the only way to get money off from Lancome, Bobbi Brown, and other high end makeup lines.

Black Friday Shopping? Most stores offer all their deals online these days, just buy them online, same crazy price, PLUS you get cash back.

Groupon and Living Social are even on Ebates so you can get cash back on those purchases also!! Double Saving!!

Seriously, I can't express this enough...if you shop online, use EBATES...it's free money!

(This is not an advertisement, just my honest opinion)

The Body Shop $20 Gift Card for only $10 on Groupon

Hurry and head on over to Groupon to snag a $20 Body Shop gift card for only $10! There is a limit of three per person. These will be great for Christmas gifts of just for pampering yourself! There are a limited quality available so don't delay!

Not valid online. Not valid on 11/29/2013. Expires December 24, 2013.

TWO Victoria's Secret Rewards Cards with any $10 Purchase

Today and Tomorrow Victoria's Secret is offering TWO Secret Rewards Cards with any $10 purchase online.  These rewards cards are each worth AT LEAST $10 but could be worth up to $500!

Along with that, they are also offering FREE SHIPPING on any bra purchase plus a FREE PINK PANTY with any bra purchase!

I ordered a new Sports Bra for $32.50. If you factor in at least $20 off in rewards cards then the free pair of panties that makes the bra and panties only $6.25 each!

USE THE FOLLOWING OFFER CODES AT CHECKOUT:

EXTRASECRET

BRASHIP

GETCHEEKY

$10 OFF any $50 Grocery Purchase at Target

Text FOOD to 827438  

to receive a Target Mobile Coupon for $10 off any $50 grocery purchase.

Offer good until 11/23.

It's the little things that bring me joy at Target

My trip to Target today brought me more joy than I initially expected....here's why:

This new Gevalia Mocha Latte 2 step K-Cup is AMAZING!! It's so yummy and frothy and warm and fuzzy and...basically, if Hot Chocolate and Coffee had a baby, this would be that love child. What's more? You can use the Target Cartwheel offer to get an extra 30% off!! That brings it down from $11.99 to $8.39...that's less than $1 per cup of pure delicious caffeine bliss!

I love the clearance end caps in general, but today I found these:

WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY cloth coasters!! Oh yes, now I can rest my coffee on these and sing "Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow" at the same time. It's called multi-tasking people.

The Trainwreck That Is Courtney Stodden

You know that feeling you get when you drive past a car accident and you know you really shouldn't look but you just can't help yourself? That's how I am with Courtney Stodden. At this point, hopefully, you are asking yourself, 'Who the hell is Courtney Stodden?' (For those of you who already know, don't worry, I understand.)

Courtney Stodden claims to be 19 years old. Yes, that trollop you see at the top is not even old enough to drink. (And yes, I just used the word trollop) She gained her "fame" by marrying Doug Hutchison when she was only 16 years old. It should shock none of you that they are now divorcing. <Collective Gasp>

Why is all of this pertinent information for my blog? Because I found out today that she will be appearing on Bethenny tomorrow and I immediately set up my DVR to record it. Ugh, why do I make such disgusting decisions? I have no willpower when it comes to watching hot messes such as she. I would like to say that it is an investment in my future television watching, but Intervention is now cancelled thus ruining her future as a TV personality. I suppose she will just have to join the stars of Toddlers and Tiaras in 10 years at a rehab center out of the public eye....<tear>

Pillsbury Cake Mix Only $0.59 at Target

Buy 2 Pillsbury Moist Supreme Cake Mix, 15.25 oz at $1.12 each
$1/2 Pillsbury Baking Product Target printable
5% off Pillsbury Baking Product Target Cartwheel
Final Price: $0.59 each, when you buy 2 

Buy 2 Pillsbury Funfetti Cake & Cupcake Mix, 15.25 oz at $1.12 each
$1/2 Pillsbury Baking Product Target printable
5% off Pillsbury Baking Product Target Cartwheel
Final Price: $0.59 each, when you buy 2 

Buy 2 Pillsbury Confetti Funfetti Frosting, 15.6 oz at $1.49 each
$1/2 Pillsbury Baking Product Target printable
5% off Pillsbury Baking Product Target Cartwheel
Final Price: $0.94 each, when you buy 2 

(Moral of this Story: GO BAKE ME A CAKE! OR CUPCAKES! please)

The Dirty Laundry of the Gingerbread Man

Names have been changed to protect the innocent. OK, no one is innocent in the following story, but nonetheless we shall call this person, The Gingerbread Man.

 The Gingerbread Man is a very fun and outgoing person who likes to go out and have a good time with friends. Nothing wrong with that. This same Gingerbread Man has an affliction with falling asleep on toilets after a night of drinking. Here's where the problem lies. Sitting on a toilet for an extended period of time can cause hemorrhoids. I'm not a doctor, but I have spent a good amount of time on WebMD, and probably a night or two at a Holiday Inn Express so I know these things.

(Not The Gingerbread Man)

It used to bother me. I used to attempt to get The Gingerbread Man to leave the toilet and go to bed. I would try everything. I would yell, I would push him off the toilet, I would bribe, I would beg. One night, after some heavy drinking on my part as well I even went so far as to go out to the garage, get some rope, attach said rope to his belt loops and try to pull him off the toilet and into bed. Seriously. I wouldn't make up such a stupid idea.

Then one day, everything changed. The Gingerbread Man had a full day of watching football and drinking with friends. Once he got home he proceeded to his throne and fell asleep as usual. After about 20 minutes I went to go wake him up. When he refused to arise from his porcelain bed I reached for him to pull him off....then somehow, like a drunken ninja, he grabbed my hand and shoved it into the toilet. YES....THE TOILET HE WAS SITTING ON. I promptly removed my hand, and wiped it on him in disgust and retaliation. But he finally won. Well played Gingerbread Man. From here on out, you may sleep on the toilet as long as you desire.

PUBLIX Coupon Matchup for the Week of 11/14

Here are some great coupon match-ups for the upcoming promotion at Publix starting 11/14/13.
There are other promotions also, but I have only highlighted the ones that match up with available coupons. Also the items in RED designate SUPER DEALS!

Armour Meatballs: Original, Italian or Turkey 14 oz
BOGO $4.99 for two
$0.50/3 Armour Item (RedPlum 10/06)

Back to Nature Classic Granola, 7.5 to 13.5 oz
BOGO $4.19 for two
$1/1 Back to Nature Facebook printable
*Buy TWO and use (2) $1/1 =  $1.10 each

Bertolli Olive Oil, 17 oz
BOGO $7.79 for two
$1/1 Bertolli Olive Oil Target printable
*Buy TWO and use (2) $1/1 =  $2.90 each

Betty Crocker Potatoes 3.7 to 6.6 oz
BOGO $2.09 for two
$0.50/3 Betty Crocker Boxed Potatoes Target printable
$0.50/2 Betty Crocker Boxed Potatoes Coupons.com printable
$0.50/2 Betty Crocker Boxed Potatoes via Upromise Deposit
*Buy FOUR and use (2) $0.50/2 + (1) $0.50/3 Target + receive Upromise deposit = $0.55 each

Betty Crocker Super Moist Cake Mix, 15.25 to 16.25 oz
BOGO $1.89 - $1.93 for two
$0.75/2 Betty Crocker Coupons.com printable
$0.75/2 Betty Crocker Super Moist Cake Upromise Deposit
*Buy TWO and use (1) $0.75/2 + receive $0.75/2 Upromise deposit =  $0.22 ea

CapriSun 100% Juice Blend, 10 pk
BOGO $3.99 for two
$1/1 CapriSun printable
*Buy TWO and use (2) $1/1 =  $0.99 each

Del Monte Green Beans, 11 to 15.25 oz
BOGO $1.55 for two
$0.50/4 Del Monte Canned Vegetables (SuperSaver 11/03) 
*Buy FOUR and use (1) $0.50/4 =  $0.65 each

Emerald Almonds, 8.5 to 9.5 oz

BOGO $4.99 for two

$1/2 Emerald Product (Labels For Education Booklet)

Emerald Breakfast on the Go!, 5 pk

BOGO $3.29 for two

$1/2 Emerald Product (Labels For Education Booklet) 
*Buy TWO and use (1) $1/2 =  $0.65 each

Gardein Lites Souffle or Entree, 7 oz
BOGO $3.99 for two
$1/1 Garden Lights Souffle printable

Gardein Meat Free Entrees 9 to 12.7 oz
BOGO $4.29 for two
$1/1 Gardein Frozen Entree printable
*Buy TWO and use (2) $1/1 =  $1.15 each

Good Food Made Simple Oatmeal or Egg Whites Patties
BOGO $3.69 for two
$0.50/1 Good Food Made Simple (Ibotta Deposit)

Green Giant Frozen Vegetables, 7 to 10 oz

BOGO $1.99 for two

$0.60/3 Green Giant Frozen Boxed Vegetables (SuperSaver 09/15)
*Buy FOUR and use (1) $0.60/3 =  $0.85 each

Hormel Country Crock Sides, 19 to 24 oz
BOGO $3.99 for two
$1/1 Hormel Country Crock Side Dish (SuperSaver 11/10)
$0.55/1 Country Crock Side printable
*Buy TWO and use (2) $1/1 =  $0.99 each

Kellogg's Cereal: Rice Krispies, Frosted Flakes or Corn Pops, 10.5 to 15.5 oz
BOGO $4.47 for two
$0.50/1 Corn Pops printable
$1/2 Frosted Flakes printable

Kellogg's Eggo Pancakes or French Toaster Sticks or Muffin Tops, 12.7 to 16.4 oz
BOGO $2.99 for two 
$0.75/1 Eggo Waffles (Ibotta Deposit)

Kraft Fresh Take Mix, 6 oz
BOGO $3.19 for two
$0.99/1 Kraft Fresh Takes printable (zip code 34655)
*Buy TWO and use (2) $0.99/1 =  $0.61 each

Lysol Bathroom Cleaner, 22 to 32 oz
BOGO $3.99 for two
$0.50/2 Lysol Cleaning Product printable

Marie Callender's Pie, 28 to 46 oz

BOGO $7.99 - $8.25 for two

$0.75/1 Marie Callender's Pie (SuperSaver 10/13)

Mrs. Paul's Fish Sticks or Fillets, Fried Clams or Battered Haddock, 8 to 11.4 oz

BOGO $4.69 for two

$1/1 Mrs. Paul's Seafood printable

Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh Cold Cuts: Smoked Ham or Oven Roasted Turkey, 16 oz

BOGO $5.49 for two

$2/1 Oscar Mayer Family Size Deli Fresh Shaved Meat, (Publix Stocking Spree Booklet)

$0.50/1 Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh (Ibotta Deposit)

*Buy TWO and use (1) $2/1 Publix + receive Ibotta = $1.49 each

Post Cereal: Honey Bunches of Oats or Vanilla Clusters 12.5 to 18 oz

BOGO $4.09 for two

$1/2 Post Honey Bunches of Oats (Sweetbay, Super Savings)
$1/1 Post Cereal (Labels For Education Booklet)

Prego 100% Natural Italian Sauce, 45 oz

BOGO 3.89 for two 

$0.75/1 Prego Alfredo Sauce (SuperSaver 11/03)
$0.40/2 Prego Italian Sauce (SuperSaver 11/03)
$1/2 Prego Jars (Labels For Education Booklet)

$2/4 Prego Homestyle Alfredo Sauce printable

*Buy TWO and use (1) $1/2 =  $1.45 each

Progresso Soup or Recipe Starters, 18 to 19 oz

BOGO $2.45 for two

$0.50/1 Progresso Recipe Starters (SuperSaver 10/13)

$0.50/2 Progresso Soups printable

Purina Beneful Baked Delights Dog Snacks, 7.4 to 12.5 oz

BOGO $4.29 for two

$1.50/1 Beneful Baked Delights Dog Snacks (SuperSaver 10/20)

Purina Cat Chow Cat Food, 3.15 lb

BOGO $5.49 for two

$1/1 Purina Cat Chow printable

$1/1 Purina Cat Chow Target Coupon (RedPlum 10/27)

*Buy TWO and use (2) $1/1 + (1) $1/1 Target = $1.25 each

Ronzoni Pasta, Healthy Harvest, Garden Delight, 9 - 16 oz

BOGO $1.49 for two

$0.75/1 Healthy Harvest printable

$1/2 Garden Delight printable

*Buy TWO Healthy Harvest and use (2) $0.75/1 =  FREE

Simply Potatoes, 20 oz
BOGO $2.69 for two
$0.75/1 Simply Potato printable
*Buy TWO and use (2) $0.75/1 =  $0.60 each

Suave Anti-perspirant/Deodorant, 2.6 oz

BOGO $1.99 for two

$1/2 Suave Products (Publix Green Advantage)
*Buy TWO and use (1) $1/2 = $0.49 each